Who killed Mrs. McDonald?

1.

Opening scene:

Narrator: Mr McDonald is in detective JBoss IDE’s office.

Mr : I think my wife is having an affair JBoss. I want you to keep an eye on her.

JBoss: Okay Mr. McDonald, by the way are you talking about the famous Kazhakuttamwood actress.

Mr: Yes unfortunately. And don’t forget to come for the party. You can meet everyone there. I will introduce you as my friend.

JBoss: Yes that would be fine. In the meantime, my assistant DotNet would keep an eye on her.

2.

Scene: McDonald’s living room

Narrator: Mr and Mrs McDonald are fighting a week prior to the party.

Mrs: C'mon you have to come to the party. After all its my birthday.

Mr.: I am not interested in any of your birthdays.

(And then says shrewdly to himself: All i am interested in is your death day.)

Mrs. The whole industry will be out there. The party is very important for my career.

Narrator: Just then, Mr. McDonald's mentally retarded son, Java , who is Mrs. McDonald's step son, steps in. He had been listening to the conversation between Mr and Mrs McDonald.

Java: Party, Party! I wanna go to the party! Mama, mama when is the party? (He asks with an innocent look on his face).

Mrs: Shut up Java! The party is not for you.

(Java gives Mrs McDonald a cunning look.)

Java: I will kill you. Grrrrrr.

Mrs: Oh, shut up, you fool!!.

Narrator: Mrs McDonald hated her step son, but Mr. McDonald loved java.

Mr: You are not to talk to Java like that. He is very much attending the party.

Mrs: (To Mr. McDonald, in a more soothing voice) But my reputation is at stake.

Mr.: I am only attending the party if Java is.

Mrs: (Indifferently)Okay, whatever.

3.

Narrator: Mrs McDonald is talking on the phone with her old boy friend DB2. Mr McDonald overhears her.

Mrs: (On the phone) Why dont you understand? I cant meet you.

DB2: I am coming to the party.

Mrs: No please dont come.

DB2: You have to meet me. I promise it will be the last meeting.

(After putting down the phone, talking to himself: It will be your last meeting with anyone. And he laughs cruelly)

4.

Next Scene: Living room.

Narrator: Mrs McDonald is talking to her PA Oracle regarding the guest list for the party.

Mrs: So Oracle, you have the list. Invite all of them. Dont forget to invite my friend Maggi.

Oracle: Yes Maam I will surely do so.(With a cold smile)

Mrs: And what about the money that you had taken from me. I want it back after the party.

Oracle: (Smile vanishing from his face) I dont have the money.

Mrs: I dont know all that. I want my money back else I am handing you over to the police.

(Mrs McDonald leaves the room)

Oracle: (Crushing an Invitation card in his fist) This will be the last birthday of your life, you foolish woman.

5.

Narrator: Oracle is inviting people for the party. He has just invited the producer/director Mainframes. And now is calling up Maggi, who happens to be Oracle’s girlfriend.

Oracle: I am telling you sweetie, the party is the right occasion. You have to come.

Maggi: Yeah, think you are right. I want my revenge on my sweet little friend. Unless she is out of my way, Mainframes will not sign me in for his movie.

Oracle: Yes and she is pestering me for the money too. Lets shoot two birds with a stone.

Maggi: HAHAHAHAHA.

Oracle: HAHAHAHAHA.

6.

Scene: At the party.

(Mrs McDonald is talking to Mainframes. All the time avoiding eye contact with DB2. DB2 is looking at her with murderous looks)

Mainframes: You have to give me dates. My movie is hung half way through.

Mrs: I don’t have time Mainframes.

Mainframes: But you promised me and now the movie is shot half way.

Mrs: Well…..

(Just then DB2 catches hold of her attention and starts talking to her)

DB2: You cant avoid me like this. Else I will tell about all your deeds to your husband.

Mrs: I have told you so many times I don’t want to talk to you. You may do as you wish.

(And she moves away to meet Maggi while DB2 stares at her coldly and also her husband.)

Maggi: (With a false smile on her face) Happy Birthday.

Mrs: (Showing off her new bracelet) Thank you dear.

Maggi: (Muttering to herself) Such a show off. I will show her today.

(Just then Java comes in near Mrs McDonald. )

Java: Happy Birthday mama.

(And he shakes her hand thus spilling her drink on her dress.)

Mrs.: You fool, hadn’t I told you not to come to the party.

Java: I will kill you.(Angrily)

Mrs: Excuse me everyone, I will just be back.

She goes to her room to change. Suddenly the people in the party hall hear her say “Oh no not you”, followed by her scream and then a gunshot is heard.

DotNet: Nobody is to leave the room please.

JBoss and DotNet examine the scene and conference in hushed tones. Finally JBoss announces.

JBoss: I have examined this case from all angles. I see that Mrs McDonald had a problem with practically everyone in here. I know the murderer is in this room itself. And the murderer is……

~~~~~~~~~AND THE CURTAIN CLOSES ~~~~~~~~~~

Another misadventure bites the dust.

Time: 9 PM.

Place: Railway station of Bangalore.

Reason for being there: To catch a train. (I don’t mean we were playing running catching with the train. To put in a better term, to board a train)

Reason for catching train: To attend my cousin’s wedding in a place elsewhere.

Reason for my cousin getting married: Because he had found a suitable bride.

Reason for………….. Aaaahhhh I guess enough of this crappy background information, which is not at all needed.

Now coming back to my story (Misadventure more like), I was in the railway station with a whole bunch of my relatives. We were walking in smaller groups towards platform number 9(I guess). Anyways, to hell with the platform number. I was walking with a few of my cousins and we were about to cross the track of platform number 8.

A train stood still on the platform we were crossing. Suddenly my cousin stopped and clicked a picture of the train. Then he said to me, “Have you ever clicked a photo standing in front of a train?” I looked at him and said, “Why don’t you stand there? I will take a pic of you.”

He said, “Naah, I prefer clicking pictures to getting them clicked.” And so, it so happened that finally I stood right in front of the train engine, less than a foot away from it in the front. I had stood there barely half a minute and the people on the platform and in the train started yelling. We wondered what was wrong. And then we realized that they were yelling that the train is about to start and so I should move away.

I moved just in time. The train started moving. If I had stood there a second longer, it would have run over me. Another misadventure added to my long list of misadventures.

Once away, my cousin remarked to me, “You know that would have been the strangest accident ever.” And we both burst into laughter.

The only thing that I regret about this whole episode is that I couldn’t get the snap in front of the train. Aah what a memory it would have been.

Misadventures - why do I have them ALWAYS!!!!

(Read along the tune of summer of '69 by brayan adams)

i had my 1st real misadventure,
when exactly dunno the time,
i must have been really small then,
maybe the year of '89,
me n my misadventures in school,
have troubled everyone around really hard,
as if to misadventures i was married ,
should have known it would last all along,
oh when i look back now,
my misadventures have lasted forever ,
dont know if i had a choice ,
misadventures have always been there,
there are many more misadventures in my life.

aint no use in complaining ,
when stupid things are all you do,
misadventures begin even before i walk in
its everywhere i meet them ya,
standing on my very own porch,
they told me i will have them forever ,
oh when they hold my hand,
i know they will leave me never ,
there are many more misadventures in my life,
oh ya i have misadventures all the time.

man even while killing time,
i am young n restless ,
with me my misadventures,
i guess will last with me forever ....... forever ohhh,

and now the misadventures are changing ,
now i have a bigger version of those long gone,
misadventure are still behind me chasing ,
and thats when things go wrong.
standing on my very own porch,
they told me i will have them forever ,
oh when they hold my hand,
i know they will leave me never ,
there are many more misadventures in my life,
oh ya i have misadventures all the time.

it is misadventures all the time,
ohhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!
me n misadventures,
ohhhhhhhhhhh, ohh
misadventures, misadventures all the time.....

The child inside

i wish i cud go back to my childhood days
can i go back the old school ways

i remember the days wen we wud wait for the break
wud go to the playground n had food for eating sake
made a circle and sat on the ground
then our boxes passed from hand to hand around

we laughed we talked we had fun
not giving a damn abt getting dark in the basking sun

after lunch we played like anything
everyday a different game of running and catching

we did attend classes in school
but that never stopped us from playing the fool

oh wat discipline we maintained in the assembly lines
how we hoodwinked the teachers to stand with our friends
and who can forget how we rushed after school
got our cycles and raced each other home

never did the homework that was given
and took the book of the lone soul who had done
the plans we made for the picnics we went
we were indifferent to the spots as long as we went

we played games even if we dint know
do u remember the dog and the bone

the evenings went in playing in the streets
we were all galli kids meetin each other with greets
we came from different schools different mediums
but we took all in without much tantrums

played often on the streets often blocking the traffic
else went to teh ground to play cricket taking a different pick
the gilli dandas smashed many a window
the mud messed up our clothes while playing marbles on the floor

we were so creative making stories n stuff
scaring a few kids with some horror n bluff

we played we laughed we cried
we had ups and downs many a times got a scold
played a lot of pranks, oh well
ran away ringing the doorbell


and wen the currents went at night we all rushed out
we will play hide and seek is wat to friends we called out
and when the currents did come back
we took it with a loud hurrah
the crackers we burst during festival time
oh dint a few ran away with a whine


but do u know wat was the best part so far
there were no egos no rich no poor
there was no mental trauma no tension
we took life as it came with no plans to mention

even today wen i run and jump about at home
i know that the age of doing so is long gone
i m in a different life now in session
with plans to spend time in exhaustion

i know i hv to grow up some day
but i refuse to do so thats wat i say
but life and time teach us all
now we spend our days going to the mall

i stil hv the child inside me
it refuses to grow up u see
the child knows tht those days are gone
but it can stil b a child n its not wrong!


(I recently saw that the kids of todays age hardly played the games we went, they too go to school they to play but its not the same..... they r hooked to the computer, play games on it.... there is so much of traffic in the streets tht they can hardly play there.... many of the gardens n open spaces are used up for buildings.... they sit on the sofa watching tv..... they see things not meant for them on the idiot box....

so i was seeing the difference in their childhood and mine.... n also remembering the days wen i was a kid... i loved that life and i wish i cud go back..... i wud barter that life for my current hectic 1 anyday....

i know thts not possible but i can still be kid wenever i want.... and i must say i m lucky to hv grown up in a small city with not much addiction to gizmos then.... had a lush green childhood.... which children today lack.... and frankly speaking at present time even i lack

i dint bother to rhyme or set each word exactly nor to correct the spellings coz as a kid did we really care?)